Friday, July 24, 2009

The Gamer-Chick Test

Written solely by myself, plz credit me and my site ( if you'd like to reprint.

Ladies that like to hold a game controller in your hand, raise it up and be proud! That's right. You're not as few as the male persuasion would believe. There are many, many females that play console and hand held games and not just "girly" ones, either. Men are blinded to real female gamers because they have visual standards. If it's not a top "Barbie" style model that plays the games, they don't see her (for the most part). Advertising clutches like those Asian ladies that are paid to play games all day simply because they are models ruin the real gamer reputation, too. Look beyond a tiny waist and surgery-enhanced features and you'll find the real gamers.

Are you a gamer chick? A real gamer ... or a wannabe?

I'm not trying to belittle casual gaming girls but the ones that swear up and down that they're "gamers" when in reality they just like to say they are. They can not escape my scathing tongue, for it's ladies like that that are ruining the real gamer reputations. They are the ones that cause their husbands to roll their eyes and ask for "your husband's" (or boyfriend's) gamer handle on xBox 260 or the PS3 because of course even though you state you need someone to game with they don't believe you. Of course the man plays games. You don't. They think this because their wife or significant other plays a certain way. Let's review this list of what could make you a big time gamer. My husband (who tests video games for a living, funny enough) and I have discussed this time and time again, so you know that at least one male agrees...and believe me, his co-workers (they have only a single female on staff) do too.

Take this in the style it's written in - tongue-in-cheek -- although if you're like me you'll be giggling and nodding all the way through. I've included brackets for "check marks" if you're so inclined to print and check 'em off as you go...

Do you dress for comfort when you play games (ie, pajamas in the middle of the day)?

[ ] Have you trimmed or hacked your nails completely off because "it was too hard to play" a certain game controller?

[ ] Tied up your hair because it might distract you at a crucial moment (even if it's really short)

[ ] Put off showering for more than an hour because you were "busy playing"?

[ ] ...didn't shower for the day because of the same reason?

- -

Have you played any game consecutively (straight through) for 2 hours or more?

[ ] Longer than 4 hours?

[ ] So long you got a semi-permanent "wrinkle" on your rear where the fabric of what you were wearing/the couch printed into your flesh?

[ ] ... your foot fell asleep?

[ ] ...several body parts went numb?

[ ] Made it through an all-nighter with several pots of coffee or energy drinks just to beat a game?

- -

Have you ever ''held it in'' instead of going to the bathroom because you were "almost to the Boss" or something similar?

[ ] ... held the 360 controller precariously out the door while peeing so you could start a match (hey, you're almost done)

[ ] ...hey, the PS3 controller works even when I'm in the bathroom!

[ ] Purposefully didn't drink a lot so you could "last longer"?

- -

Have you screamed obscenities at an unfeeling television set when you die in-game?

[ ] When you're about to?

[ ] When you think you're about to?

[ ] Do any of those include threats against the game developers/designers/beta testers?

[ ] ...and their unborn children?

- -

Have you hit your own leg or unfeeling couch arm, etc during a game?

[ ] In frustration?

[ ] With excitement?

[ ] Nope, you hit someone else.

[ ] So hard you yelped with shock.

- -

Have you thrown a game controller in anger or excitement?

[ ] The cord acts like a bungee, so you were safe (and so was the furniture)

[ ] Screamed "Oh, shit, those are worth $60 why did I do that!"

[ ] Yes: and hit someone across the street.

- -

Have you ever been "game-hunting" for something you want?

[ ] Through several different game stores?

[ ] Through all the game stores in the area

[ ] ...and not in the are (out of state)

[ ] ...along with a Wal-Mart or two

[ ] You peruse eBay and Amazon on a daily basis.

- -

Is "love of games" something you look for in a guy?

[ ] He needs to like gaming like you do.

[ ] Bonus: he comes with a game system you don't have!

[ ] ...and/or games you haven't played!

[ ] He'd better have a good sense of humor as well since you often beat people when you play against them.

- -

How many consoles and hand held systems do you own?

[ ] More than two

[ ] More than four

[ ] More than you can have hooked up to televisions in your house, even with spare TV sets and multiple-channel boxes

[ ] well as several duplicate systems "just in case"

[ ] An out-of-region system (NTSC/ US, Japanese or PAL, whichever counts for you)

[ ] ...several of these.

- -

And perhaps the final question...

Does your husband talk about you, game-wise, to his buddies?

[ ] Brag about your skill in general?

[ ] That you're better than he is?

[ ] That his wife is "cool" because she doesn't complain when he brings home a game?

[ ] Complain that you're hogging the console when he wants to play?