So, yes. As the title suggests, I'm wondering what I am, really.
I've discussed furries at length here on this blog, before, due to the fact that most people immediately think of "bad" things when they hear the term. I've stated again and again how not every furry is "like that", how, for the most part, we're like you but we just like to focus our fandom on different things. You maybe wanted to pretend you were a superhero when you were a kid, well... we like to pretend we're anthros. And not all of us stopped liking to pretend!
That's it, except that I see now it isn't.
I identify more with animals than humans. Humans are always cruel to me, they don't understand me - as a child, other kids always treated me worse than a "nerd", stoning me, hurting me mentally and physically when all I ever wanted to do was be a part of their world. I wasn't sure how, since I hadn't associated with kids as a child until I was tossed into the school system (and that was a huge part of the problem, I think). But I always go in with the best of intentions and never lose that ... while other people do their best to intentionally hurt me. Uck. Screw that, right? So, staying human while having animal characteristics seems awesome! I have my opposable thumbs, I can drink coffee, speak, etc etc; yet I could not be human at the same time. Anthro, a wonderful word. My "fursona" is a nekomata, which is a demon cat that can change into something of a human. I either draw her as a full cartoon cat with a split tail, or a rubenesque gal with ears and a tail that resembles me when I'm of average weight. I like to wear the ears and tails I have at home, but my fursuit head stifles me and I don't like it that much.
The main thing that disturbs me is that I can't stand seeing all the damned sex furries draw.
Let's not get me wrong, I'm a sexual being. I write erotica often, and have several published books out with shorts (and one full novel) of the ultra-romance nature. But you will not see blatant sex or nudity in my art galleries. You will not see slang words that are offensive to the ears in my writing. I make certain, or at least I try valiantly, to bring a sense of decency in that way to the work I do. I've written smut before, yeah. A lot of it was when I was young (we all make mistakes). I wrote more and got better at expressing what I feel without being tasteless. But what I see in a majority of "furry" art galleries is just that: smut. Porn for smut's sake - and swear words that are better written on the side of a building used to refer to genitalia and whatnot.
Have some freakin' decorum.
It's the stuff that offends people's eyes when they see furries blanging furries over and over and over again on your page in graphic detail. A lot of these artists have talent, clearly, but most folks find this kind of thing offensive. Even other furries. You're giving us a bad name, guys. Hide that stuff from public view, and showcase some other pieces of art now and then, right? Why not? Why does everything have to be graphic sex acts with "you people"? See, that's how others see furries. And it makes me wonder... am I one? I dabbled in drawing some things like that, but I never liked graphic stuff, preferring romance more than slobbery sex acts in my art.
As seen on the left, I prefer having my character (or the one she's with) covered, and not shown in the actual act. Suggestive, not HAY THERE HERE'S SEX SPLAAATTTTT MOOSH THUMP
Said "sex starved" furries seem to be proud of the way they love sex. And I'm not saying sex is a bad thing. Or even that drawing it is a bad thing. Just that if I see 99.9% of furries drawing sexually explicit stuff, I'm going to think all they do/think/breathe/sleep is sex (as most folks think furries do). And there is more to everything than that. There's more to me, at least, I know. And I think a lot of furs would see this as an attack (everyone takes everything personally now) against them. It's not, really, but I'm confused. You're trashing yourselves, and I'm not one of those ... but am I furry then?
TLDR: I think everyone would view furries as a whole better if their galleries weren't 100% squishy porn. I don't know whether I'm a furry or not, because my galleries do not contain fur-porn. Erotica, yes, but I have a lot of regular cartoons, illustrations of fave movie stars, etc., etc.
I think what I may have re-learned is nothing is black and white. I have said before "I am a furry", but now I view things differently. I share some views as furries. But I don't do what I see a lot of them doing, nor do I frequent places they are on the 'net or anything.
I guess after all, I'm really just me. Heh.