Friday, November 21, 2014

Harvest Moon 3D: Lost Valley

This is it - a game that I recommend that even if you're a Harvest Moon fan - don't buy it. Spare yourself the frustration, because there's nothing but wrong in this game. It's not the same game you're thinking of - they "went a different way" with this one, and it's not a good path.

I play the HM games usually... well, forever, actually. I'm still playing Magical Melody on my old Game Cube. But this? I didn't even get to the 3rd month. It's that horrifying.

What they got wrong:

Bachelors/Bachelorettes: they went back to 3 only for each gender. Not only that, but they got rid of "gift-giving". You must speak to the person each day, which is difficult because there's no town and they wander aimlessly around on their days off. You have to do "requests" when their "chemistry" goes up to get them to like you.

The people: are filled with (glaringly racist in some cases) gimmicks. One bachelor speaks in rhyming couplets, the other in an American Southern drawl (country hick, complete with "Y'all", "ain't" and anything else you can think of). The male merchant is apparently from Brooklyn ("Youse gotta sumtin' ta sell me?") And so on. One of the girls is such a #@$% that I stopped playing the game because I became so angry about how rude she was to me.

The world: I hear people say it's "like Minecraft". It's only "like" Minecraft because the game uses "blocks" you can "manipulate". It's not fun, and the system of controls for the blocks (dirt) is terrible. Honestly, I'm all for being able to make my world as I want, but I have to make sure I'm standing parallel/level, or within 3 blocks of whatever I want, oops, there's a tree (same thing, have to be level with it to chop it down)... it's difficult, because there's no way to just add blocks to nothing, so there's no way I can make what I want. If there's an area I need to get to on top the mountain (or down), it takes me more than several days to manage, as well, and that's all I can do from the moment I wake from the moment I sleep.

It's too big - if people are wandering around, I have to speak with them everyday to increase their "chemistry", but I can't, because by the time I get to them they're gone, "warped" magically to another spot because oh, hell, I forgot, I had to actually do what the game forces me to do 24:7 (see below).

The game: it's basically the worst slave game possible. You don't ever feel a part of the town (because there isn't any), the people (because they just parrot things at you), and your existence is but for a single purpose: grow crops, feed animals, PACIFY THE HARVEST GODDESS, MINION. Now, I don't mind monotonous games - the HM series is kinda like that -- but in the other games there was so much more.

Elly's personal pissoff: they even made the fishing terrible! You idiots, I can't stop yanking in my bobber when it goes down... because every single game since the beginning of games is like that! No, no. Here, you have to wait past the dunk, until your character gets an exclamation point (!) over their head. Then you can reel it in. UGHHH YOU RUINED FISHING YOU MORONS

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