Wednesday, August 13, 2014

I will NEVER want children

...continued from my DeviantArt Journal posting a couple years ago, with additions.

I'll keep changing my age as I remember this and to point out my feelings have not changed, despite how everyone else tells me I should feel/should/will want.

Mine you, since everyone takes things so stupidly personal these days, I'll add this to the journal: this is not an attack against those women who love kids or choose to have a million of them. It's perhaps only an 'attack' of words to those asshole educators, GYNs, and every moron who has told me what my mind is, because apparently they are psychic and know what I think better than myself.

I will never want (or have) children.

Yeah. I never will. I'm 36 38 41 years old now, have stated this since I was maybe 5 or younger... and I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND.

You hear that, stupid doctors? GYNs? General populace? I never, ever will.

NO I did not want them after I "grew up".
NO I did not want them after I got married.
NO I do not want them because I need "someone to take care of me" in my old age. (Selfish much?)
NO I will not want them when I'm 30, 40, 50 years old (every decade they just push it back).

I do not want them because I don't like them very much.
I do not want them because they are not "cute" to me in any way.
I do not want them because I am still a child myself.
I do not want them because we do not have the money to take care of them.
I do not want them because I am bipolar with many physical issues, and will pass it to them.
I do not want them because I am bipolar, and would not be able to take care of them.
I do not want them because I don't like humanity, or the way the world is lately.
I do not want them because I had a shit childhood, and other children are cruel.
I do not want to have them because we're overpopulated.

I will proclaim that I like children better than the idiot that has kids "just because they have to". Know why? Because I factor in everything, even if I like something - before getting one. I'm an animal lover to the extreme, for example. But if I can't keep an animal the best it can be kept, even if it "needs" me, we won't get it. Lately people are popping out kids without a care or thought, because they feel they need to. Well, you don't. Especially if you're just going to ignore the kid because you're depressed all the time, which, by the way, I hear from a LOT of "kids" on the gaming sites I go to. It's a common complaint. And I always think: 'gee, maybe mom should have corked it', or maybe *GASP-shock-NO* aborted, rather than have a child they clearly cannot take care of'!

I'm even afraid of sex, because women are starting to lose every right they have to their bodies. And hell, I live in Kansas now (hate it, I hate it). If I get pregnant by some miracle, what will become of me? They kill people here for daring to try to get abortions (my opinion is that right-to-lifers should call themselves right-to-babies, or "pro-baby", not "pro-life", because of all the death they condone and even cause).

I want my tubes tied - and goddamn it, I will get this procedure done someday.* Even if they make it tremendously hard, even if they make my husband have to sign before I can have it (WTF, he can have his procedure done without me signing!) I don't care if I'm too old for kids when I finally get the right to have it done, because make no mistakes, it's my @#$%ing right as it's MY body, NOT yours - I'll do it.

* well, at 41 I'm definitely going through menopause (peri, anyway), so it looks like I'll just be waiting the idiots out at this point. When I can PHYSICALLY NO LONGER HAVE kids, I'll FINALLY be able to relax and enjoy sex. Fuck you, world.

Right now I'm keeping this as a documentary of sorts, to keep for the rest of my life, to be published after my death by my husband or remaining family, that proves I never wanted them right up until I died. That's the only way these idiots will ever believe me, and it's sick that it's what I have to do. I feel the need to - they're so smug about it, they KNOW MY MIND, you see, and they're 100% wrong. They couldn't be more wrong. I dislike children, and not only that, I have mental/physical ailments I shouldn't pass down to anyone else! So not only do I not WANT kids, if you step back and look at all the other reasons, I SHOULDN'T. And all these assholes just parade around squawking, 'you'll want them, you'll want them'.

 By the way, I love responding back to these folks by asking either what religion they are or what political affiliation. If they say "Christian", I'll smile benignly and tell them in my most saccharine tones, "Well, you'll want to convert to Wicca some day."  

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