Gamergate & Female Freedom

I'm shocked, always shocked because this is the human race doing this to itself.

Guys think they're losing their "superiority".

The Bible, advertisements, magazines, television and gaming - everywhere they look - tells them they are #1, little "mini gods". Yet some females are telling them it's not true, we're equal. So males are fighting, slandering, threatening and doing anything they can do to stop equality. They're not losing their place by any means, by the way, but the IDEA that they could is threatening them.

I can't even breathe when I hear what some assholes say/do because of this whole shebang. Females are lower class citizens. We get told what we should like, what we should do and how to act. We get brainwashed into thinking we need to look a certain way or we're "ugly". We still earn less money than men. We get treated like objects because of prostitution and we are informed we're on this earth to "make babies". If you don't/choose not to, you're seen as the strangest creature out there. People simply cannot comprehend that myself at 38 years old, will not have a child. I will never have a baby. It is my choice, not anyone else's, not even my husband's. I asked him before we married and he said he was all right with never having any. But you know what? If he wanted to get "snipped", it'd be fine, he'd just go and do it. But in Kansas, where we live now, I, as a female, as the baby-making property of him, would have to have my husband - the man -- sign for me to have my tubes tied.

HE CAN DO IT WITHOUT MY SIGNATURE. I CANNOT.

This is not equality. This is not right.

I don't give a crap about what happened at "Gamergate" because it sounds like a bunch of politicized shit. No matter what happened, you guys have done it before and no one cared because it was done by men. But a woman did something to achieve status, and now you're threatened. Fuck off, now. Come on. We've had a black president, and I bet we have other types of skin colors up there before we have a woman, because when women run for anything and threaten men, men systematically take them down. They talk about what they're wearing and how ugly they are, and never focus on anything serious.

That's all we are to most males, beauty numbers. "Is she a one or a ten?" Did you ever think of what number you where before placing a label on us? Because if everything was equal in the world there would be restaurants with men wearing thongs swinging along low-set tables next to your local Hooter's. There would be nothing but huge, blond, tight-abbed men shown next to "fat chicks" in TV shows, and all advertisements directed at you would depict "you" as the unobtainable circus strongman type, showing you NEED to be THIS WAY and if you ARE NOT you are UGLY.

I'm 38 and have never wanted/will never want children. I have never liked the color pink, preferring blue (and sometimes purple) instead. I like gaming and can whup ass on my husband and many guys in different games, fighting games mostly, my favorite genre is Survival Horror, my fave games of all time: Silent Hill 2 and 3. I have recently shaved my head because I can't stand my hair and the need to "do" it to be perfectly female - I like coloring my hair crazy colors, but I can't stand getting up and styling it forever every morning. I wear men's T-shirts because they have cool things on them! Not sparkles and pink and Tinkerbell and teddy bears and unicorns that society tells me to wear: I like stuff like wrestling, dragons, games and anime.

I exist.

I matter.

I am female.

I am not what society tells you I should be.

And that should be okay.

I will NEVER want children

...continued from my DeviantArt Journal posting a couple years ago, with additions.

I'll keep changing my age as I remember this and to point out my feelings have not changed, despite how everyone else tells me I should feel/should/will want.

Mine you, since everyone takes things so stupidly personal these days, I'll add this to the journal: this is not an attack against those women who love kids or choose to have a million of them. It's perhaps only an 'attack' of words to those asshole educators, GYNs, and every moron who has told me what my mind is, because apparently they are psychic and know what I think better than myself.

I will never want (or have) children.

Yeah. I never will. I'm 36 38 41 years old now, have stated this since I was maybe 5 or younger... and I WILL NEVER CHANGE MY MIND.

You hear that, stupid doctors? GYNs? General populace? I never, ever will.

NO I did not want them after I "grew up".
NO I did not want them after I got married.
NO I do not want them because I need "someone to take care of me" in my old age. (Selfish much?)
NO I will not want them when I'm 30, 40, 50 years old (every decade they just push it back).

I do not want them because I don't like them very much.
I do not want them because they are not "cute" to me in any way.
I do not want them because I am still a child myself.
I do not want them because we do not have the money to take care of them.
I do not want them because I am bipolar with many physical issues, and will pass it to them.
I do not want them because I am bipolar, and would not be able to take care of them.
I do not want them because I don't like humanity, or the way the world is lately.
I do not want them because I had a shit childhood, and other children are cruel.
I do not want to have them because we're overpopulated.

I will proclaim that I like children better than the idiot that has kids "just because they have to". Know why? Because I factor in everything, even if I like something - before getting one. I'm an animal lover to the extreme, for example. But if I can't keep an animal the best it can be kept, even if it "needs" me, we won't get it. Lately people are popping out kids without a care or thought, because they feel they need to. Well, you don't. Especially if you're just going to ignore the kid because you're depressed all the time, which, by the way, I hear from a LOT of "kids" on the gaming sites I go to. It's a common complaint. And I always think: 'gee, maybe mom should have corked it', or maybe *GASP-shock-NO* aborted, rather than have a child they clearly cannot take care of'!

I'm even afraid of sex, because women are starting to lose every right they have to their bodies. And hell, I live in Kansas now (hate it, I hate it). If I get pregnant by some miracle, what will become of me? They kill people here for daring to try to get abortions (my opinion is that right-to-lifers should call themselves right-to-babies, or "pro-baby", not "pro-life", because of all the death they condone and even cause).

I want my tubes tied - and goddamn it, I will get this procedure done someday.* Even if they make it tremendously hard, even if they make my husband have to sign before I can have it (WTF, he can have his procedure done without me signing!) I don't care if I'm too old for kids when I finally get the right to have it done, because make no mistakes, it's my @#$%ing right as it's MY body, NOT yours - I'll do it.

* well, at 41 I'm definitely going through menopause (peri, anyway), so it looks like I'll just be waiting the idiots out at this point. When I can PHYSICALLY NO LONGER HAVE kids, I'll FINALLY be able to relax and enjoy sex. Fuck you, world.

Right now I'm keeping this as a documentary of sorts, to keep for the rest of my life, to be published after my death by my husband or remaining family, that proves I never wanted them right up until I died. That's the only way these idiots will ever believe me, and it's sick that it's what I have to do. I feel the need to - they're so smug about it, they KNOW MY MIND, you see, and they're 100% wrong. They couldn't be more wrong. I dislike children, and not only that, I have mental/physical ailments I shouldn't pass down to anyone else! So not only do I not WANT kids, if you step back and look at all the other reasons, I SHOULDN'T. And all these assholes just parade around squawking, 'you'll want them, you'll want them'.

 By the way, I love responding back to these folks by asking either what religion they are or what political affiliation. If they say "Christian", I'll smile benignly and tell them in my most saccharine tones, "Well, you'll want to convert to Wicca some day."