Thursday, December 10, 2015

Zoro Dakimakura

Let me rephrase that title - it's new Zoro dakimakura (or, as some call them, "hugging pillows").

I got three *wiggles* but only two were decent, the ones I got from "Yes! Anime" on eBay. The other seller shipped me a graphic mess, a sloppily enlarged image that was fuzzy as heck and terrible. The seller was shit about it as well. Anyway!

This is my favorite. Although, it does bother me that no one ever has drawn the scars on his ankles. I mean, it disturbs my OCD fangirl-ness. Also, green eyes? Nice touch, though.

Husband-Zoro was a bit grumpy about sleeping with this one, though. One night he commented, 'I'm off to sleep with sexy Zoro', so I giggled. The response back was a flat 'It's not funny.'


'Course it is.

Especially as RL-Zoro makes my bed half-smell like character-Zoro would: beer and manly soap. No steel, otherwise it'd be 100%.


Oh yeah, here's the other one (not as good, and Law looks creepy as shit (click for larger image)!

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Birthday & Bull Dawgz

So yeah, I posted on Instagram and didn't post anything here. HARR HARR. Sometimes I forget "computer internet" since I have a smart phone...

11-11 again! I just took some photos this year. They're up on Instagram (see my links above), but this is my favorite.


I love my Rement pirate ship cake so hard.

Boof. I drew these a while ago for my sis in law and never posted them here. I figured what the heck. Also, I really have to get Photoshop installed again so I can resize properly and whatnot. Huh.

Tuesday, October 20, 2015

Jackson & Elly

I probably shouldn't draw Monster High crap... I hate this pic. His waist is too big, the head isn't right, um... just realized in saving it cut the color on something (will fix)... ugh

But y'know. Jackson. My college version* gnaws at my soul constantly. The damn boy is cute! But I really dislike the stylized female "monsters" where they look like "Bratz" characters - the beeg puffy leeps, too much makeup, etc. I did realize that I suck at drawing him, too, but then again I'm so out of practice and my mind's been shit lately. I kinda did this so that I'd at least have drawn something. I haven't in ages. I just don't feel it.

FYI because no one cares: Elly in this incarnation is a nekomata (mom) + human (dad). So her body is human, with human skin, and her face is fur/anthro. This is because I had a pale "whitey" Obitsu BJD body and no head that fit it, so I eventually said "f- it" and popped a Catrine Demew head that I edited slightly on the body.

See? (link @ Instagram)

Yeah, dang it, I've been thinking about their story and may even start writing again.

*because: legal age, otherwise ewww

Friday, October 9, 2015

European Cookies?

So, I log in to my blog and see this today:

European Union laws require you to give European Union visitors information about cookies used on your blog. In many cases, these laws also require you to obtain consent. 
As a courtesy, we have added a notice on your blog to explain Google's use of certain Blogger and Google cookies, including use of Google Analytics and AdSense cookies. 
You are responsible for confirming this notice actually works for your blog, and that it displays. If you employ other cookies, for example by adding third party features, this notice may not work for you. Learn more about this notice and your responsibilities.


Basically, this means a pop up reminds European viewers that OMG THIS PAGE USES COOKIES (which every damned website does, it being the easiest and best way to store info).

Here is a very good article about how this is ridiculous.

Please read!

Monday, August 17, 2015

BJDs & You

I recently (over a couple months or so) got "into" the world of Ball Joint Dolls (otherwise known as BJDs). I was brand new to the culture of any dolls, let alone such an intricate crafting/collecting community. I never liked dolls growing up - I was so against them as a child I even went so far as to say I hated them (I dislike using the word "hate" as you may know by now if you've been reading my blog). But BJDs intrigued me. They're Asian, for one, and I like Asian stuff. They're highly customizable, and I like that, too. I'm blogging now in case anyone is like I was - thinking they want to get into the dolls but unsure. Remember, this is from an artist's point of view, but also - one that never played with dolls before, ever.

I absolutely love my first adult-owned dollhouse. I got into it on a whim, and since filling it with furniture and creating a beach side yard I started thinking about who was going to live in there. It was clear I'd created my "private heaven", filled with what I loved and how I wished I could live in reality... so why not place a doll in it that was my idealized version of me (along with a few hot guys)? This is a 1:12 dollhouse, which means it's scaled 1 foot = 1 inch. There aren't too many dolls that fit this type of housing, so I started off with the Nendoroid brand figures. The heads and bodies snap and switch, so I could make a "me" after purchasing way too many dolls. I also could get many anime guys I wanted to go with me, which was cool. But I'm not a huge fan of "chibi" (large heads, small bodies, like American caricatures), and the figures were hard to pose because of their proportions. This got me into the first BJD I ever purchased.

Picco Neemo

*good quality/price
*Figma heads fit
*Kelly/Tommy clothing mostly fits (no one-pieces)

*heads are separate purchase
*no magnet feet
*only female bodies available 
*hand poses are extra
*clothing/shoes/heads are expensive

*NOTE/WARNING: (edit 12/10/15) - I had my "Sanji" picco neemo body for less than half a year and didn't "use" it too much - the hand joint snapped off inside the wrist! There's no way of getting it out - too small -- so I just waxed the "grabby" style hand in there to think about it for awhile. Why have extra hands if they're gonna do that? Oh, yeah... so we pay all that extra money. *sigh*

Picco Neemo is a ball joint doll made for the 1:12 dollhouse setting. The body has a marvelous feel to it and is pretty flexible. They come with only one set of hands in one position only female bodies such as now, and no head. It took me awhile to figure out that I wanted a hard plastic head with plastic hair (no doll-hair, as I dislike that frizzy stuff). The answer took some time, but it turns out Figma heads (a Japanese figure company that also does Nendoroids) fit the bodies perfectly)! They also come with swappable hair and facial features.

Here's a photo of "me", the first picco neemo doll I purchased, with a Figma head.

The dolls aren't too expensive, but the problem is once you have one, you'll need a head, extra hands, clothing, etc etc.. and it adds up quick. The dolls are also hard to pose, since they have tiny feet and no magnetic stands (see Obitsu 12 cm, below). The bodies only come in female form (I sanded down two bodies to make Zoro and Sanji from the anime One Piece, they're not too busty and they're not hollow so it's possible).

Obitsu (11 cm = 4 in)

*great pose-ability
*magnetic feet
*extra hands come with doll (!)
* bodies are childlike, so they work for male/female

*Nendoroid heads DO NOT FIT
*hard to find good heads if you don't like rooted-hair or wig dolls (I haven't found one yet)
*bodies are childlike (this may be a negative for those that want female with busts, etc)

Obitsu was my hope to have bodies for my Nendoroids. I wanted to just buy a few bodies and pop the heads on - they look great when you see someone that's done it on the web!


It is not. I have a lifetime customizing shit and being crafty and a professional artist. I could not do it well enough for me to like my finished product. The heads are simply too big and the bodies will not support them, magnet stands or not. However, the magnetic feet were good for one thing - I took the stands and swapped the Picco Neemo feet for the Obitsu. Now my Picco Neemo dolls can stand and pose well!

Obitsu (27 cm = 10 in)

*great pose-ability
*magnetic feet
*extra hands come with male dolls
* female bust size can be customized ("regular" to "ridiculous")
* bodies fit Barbie/Ken/Monster High dolls (and other 12" dolls usually)
*Barbie/Ken/Jenny clothing usually fits
*Monster High clothing/shoes often fits (see below)

*extra hands do not come with female dolls
*the all-plastic body isn't as flexible ...
*... but the "soft" body (female soft bust) is too wobbly sometimes

*WARNING!!! These damned things are FLIMSY AS SHIT. I'm always super careful with my "toys", and I broke them several times while gently positioning them. There are fixes, and I've managed, but I learned the hard way about neck joints and arms/hands.

So then I got a bigger dollhouse.

Ha! This one is Barbie-sized. I customized one of those KidKraft houses so it wasn't 100% pink and then went to work figuring out what dolls were going to go in there... hey, Monster High heads fit Obitsu bodies! (Also, in case you were wondering, Monster High shirts all fit the slim bodies and female ones, but the pants do not. Also, Monster High boy shoes all fit the big Obitsu male feet! And sometimes female shoes fit the female as well.)

I got to work and figured out what dolls had what skin tone... Duece's head fits nicely on the "natural" skin tone body, while Jackson's head would fit a "whitey" body. I went with Deuce because I'm going to eventually customize him and make his "cousin".

___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___ ___

More to come later, but I really wanted to get this down. I'd been thinking about typing it up for awhile now and never got to it. My biggest note to people that want to get into BJDs is this: even if the doll body (or even head) is inexpensive, IT WILL GET COSTLY down the road. Even if you manage to make clothing or find cheap clothing etc, it will still get super expensive. Watch out!

Sunday, July 12, 2015

Over Sexualized Dolls and Poor Logic Defenses

I recently posted on a blog on "how to explain ... hyper-sexualized dolls to young kids". It got me thinking! As a cartoon illustrator, I'm someone who "never grew up" and I like toys and things the kids do. I always have. I even purchased two Monster High dolls (cats, of course) to customize into my personal character. But as a "grown up", I understand they're not healthy role models while children just accept things like that if they're given them without explanations.

I am not one to say that you should deny your child a toy if they want it. Never. I dislike those parents, for instance, that are hyper-religious and won't let their kids have "fantasy" toys like dragons and whatnot. It sickens me. But I do think that there should be thought involved before purchasing something for your little ones. If you have to explain "over sexed" to a child that shouldn't even know what sex is yet, perhaps it's not the time for these types of dolls. It all depends on the child, some are more intelligent and ready to grasp a concept earlier than others.

The problem about the dolls is a problem that exists now in mainstream media. Girls are taught from the moment they are born that they're "lesser" than boys. Girl sexual parts are a slander word (you're weak if you're called a "girl" or "p**sy") and yet male parts mean "awesome ("balls" means tough), And this even though the one part can squeeze out a baby and the other makes a man crumple up if even lightly smacked. It doesn't make sense. TV shows all have "normal", regular Joe guys that aren't perfect and most of the time are overweight and/or older with trophy, picture-perfect wives (Modern Family, The Kind of Queens, etc). Commercials often portray men as "just the guy next door" but the ladies are all supermodels. And again, commercials make females feel bad if they're not a size 6, don't have a flawless complexion, perfect hair, etc. Female politicians are criticized not on their policies, but on how they dress and if they're "ugly" or not.

We start low on the bar, people. We're taught that we have to be perfect, be pretty, etc etc. So yes, some mothers get VERY upset when dolls come out that have the same "perfect-pretty" standard that young girls simply cannot live up to.

"Be Yourself. Be Unique. Be a Monster"
-- Monster High motto (off the website)

Folks seem to fall into this marketing trap for Monster High dolls more than anything else. If I had a penny for all the times I heard/saw "but MH is about being YOU no matter how freaky you are, and acceptance!" Also, "They're the only school where bullying is not tolerated!"


And I can prove both defenses are crap.

Let's start with the "bullying" defense, shall we?

I can knock this down simply and easily with a single Monster High character name: Jackson Jekyll.

Yes, I'm a fan! I can toss real, actual scenes from the actual show(s) and movie(s) at you that support my defense. Every girl shown on the show is the same Bratz doll "perfect" size (no fat chicks). There isn't really any "ugly" ladies, either. The zombies are even pretty and/or handsome, for goodness' sake. But Jackson, see, he's half human. He's bullied, physically threatened, and taken advantage of/used by everyone, including Frankie and the Headmistress of the school itself who, as an adult, should be more understanding.

It should be noted that in a way I actually applaud Mattel for doing this. It shows that the whole "After School Special" shit, where the nerd tries hard and overcomes everything/everyone loves them to death in the end, is not reality. I resented those specials for lying to me as a kid.

See this Blog post for more detail about the bullying on the show, etc. It's amazingly everything I always ranted to myself about this topic. On point, with examples directly from the show/movies.

So basically, I feel for Jackson. I was a nerd in my school, no friends, made fun of constantly because I was very different. And we had the same moralistic crap shows back then when I was little! They do nothing, kids rarely learn from them. So that can moral high ground people use to defend this show can get tossed in the crapper. What they do learn from Monster High, is they have to look perfect and get/have a boyfriend.

Time for that "flaw" defense...

"But - but they have quirks! They're not perfect!"

The girl with the beautifully sculpted body, hair, nails, clothing, accessories, and boyfriend is a "clutz"! Ha! Guess what? That's what folks that write about call the "Mary Sue" complex. I know, because I tread lightly along the line in my fanfiction by always using the same name and/or several physical traits in all my female characters.

*See TV Tropes (here) for a page all about Mary Sues. It's hilarious - and scary -- how many of these traits fit Monster High girls.

A character is not flawed if their flaw isn't a real flaw.  I mean, a pretty zombie is a little slower than someone else. Whoo. What a bad flaw, right? As mentioned before, there aren't any fat (or other non-perfect body shaped) ladies on the show, yet there are guys that are big (in the one movie the one guy has big ears and is quite plump). Why can't there be fatter ladies, too? I haven't seen any.* Sure, a lot of the guys in school are "perfecty perfect" as well, but they mostly have clothing that covers their bodies. Where's their shorts that show off their impossible bulges? Ugh, not that I want to see it, but, you know, 'cause the girls all have impossibly large breasts and show off their cleavage. Hmm. That's not equality.

Now I know this last one is ridiculous, but think about it. Aren't writers intelligent enough to come up with something better?

"Manster" (man) = the males of the show
"Ghoul" (girl) = the females

So the guys are MEN but the women are GIRLS.

So girls, be yourself - but if you do, I bet you'll get teased like hell for it. Don't fall for the bullshit that shows like this "teach" you. Yet if you can stand strong in the face of adversity, you'll get more awesome than you can imagine. And you don't need to look like those painted up, face-sculpted monster girls do. You're pretty no matter what you look like, no matter what TV teaches you as well.

* I realize that all the dolls clothing would not fit everyone else, etc., so in a marketing standpoint, making all the girls (marketable dolls) all the same size makes sense. But still, geez... throw us normies a bone already. 

Monday, June 29, 2015

Happy Birthday to me!


Whoo, arts! Finally! I like pen/pencil and paper, okay, but I missed digital rendering. In celebration, I fixed up my 2015 character sheet (blah blah, whatever right) and then drew this:

How very twee~~*


*watched Zoro play Batman: Arkham Knight nonstop for like, all last weekend & this Joker quote got stuck in my head.

**head based on other art I saw and loved, so I redrew it

*** oh yeah, I'm 39 :p

Saturday, May 23, 2015

Sucky eBayer List

Myep. For those that piss me off: here's a warning to all of you if you come across them.

Seller: lightbearerjoe 
Item: Nendoroid Tsubasa Figure
Reason: ended auction early because "item no longer available"
Update 5/30: The bastard re-listed it almost immediately!
*he also has 1 negative for doing the same to a buyer that won an auction
*update (me): I bought something else by sniping so he couldn't end it early... gave him a neutral

He now has "100% positive" - but he really doesn't, because as you can see I recorded he had at least 1 negative and my neutral. Yet eBay takes these off after so many months of "good" behavior.

Friday, May 22, 2015

For when I buy art...

This is for artists drawing my own character with her beau, Roronoa Zoro. My husband & I identify with these characters, so I get a lot of art drawn with them that's not my own.

Here's my character sheet. Click, then right-click to "open image in new tab" and see it full-size.

Elly Sketchit is a purple/lavender-haired Cheshire nekomata with a double-tipped tail. The very end of both tips are white. They do not "curl" on the tips, it's just one tail split into a fork at the end. Her ears perk upright only if she's startled, most of the time they lay sideways, giving her a bit of a mad appearance. If startled a lot (in fear) or if she becomes enraged she loses her pupils entirely.

When in human form she is a very pale woman with lavender cat ears, purple hair & eyes as well as the striped split tail. Her teeth are lightly fanged. She never has human ears at all, just the cat ones. She wears simple black tees or tanks with pirate skulls and jeans (flared on the bottom) or jean shorts. Her body is not skinny, it's rounded, with a well-rounded bosom and bottom (bottom being larger than bosom, she's not top-heavy). No tattoos, one single round birthmark on her inner left arm (right before the elbow bend). She is 5' 5" tall, a bit shorter than Zoro (who is 5' 10").

She sometimes wears a simple silver chain with bell attached, a gift from her beau.

Roronoa Zoro is from the manga/anime One Piece.

He's a gruff, strong guy that doesn't "do" cutesy stuff on purpose. He has three clip earrings on his left ear that are strips of gold, a scar that runs down his chest, scars around his ankles, and one over a closed left eye. He carries 3 swords as seen in both pics, but I'm not fussy about them being shown in waist-ups. He's quite tall at 5' 10", taller than Elly (she's only 5' 5").

Zoro normally makes his most "unique" faces around Elly (whom he calls "stupid cat", or, at best when feeling affectionate, "kitten"). She likes to startle him with affectionate displays because he professes to hate it, although his faces might not be entirely accurate with his feelings since he blushes as he's being grouchy. She's also quite fond of getting into his haramaki (the belly band across his chest) since it's warm, smells a lot like him and makes him blush the hardest.


  • ankle scars (circling both)
  • chest scar
  • eye scar (left) I know some pics don't show this, it was a later character development
  • 3 clip teardrop earrings (left)

"Those" faces, used to show embarrassment at "lovey" scenes (once again, I know they show the left eye but later developments left him without):

Wednesday, April 8, 2015

Zoro Wado and Cosplay "replica" swords

So, a slew of folks on eBay seem to have misunderstood One Piece's Zoro in an attempt to quickly cash in on selling his swords.

"This sword is a high end replica from the world famous One Piece Anime. In the show it is carried by Zoro Wado."

...seriously? What. The @#$%. Looks like someone did no research and just looked at other sales of prop katana, decided his name was half of what title they saw, and then applied it to all their listings. Moron. It takes very little to research something as a seller, especially if you understand it's a character from One Piece!


Anyway, I have a replica sword and am looking for two more to complete my Zoro set (I need sandai kitetsu and wado ichimonji). These swords aren't even good enough for carrying for cosplay, usually, which sucks because they cost around $30 (low end) to $100+ (high end). I don't buy anything more than $20-30, though, because I know they're crap. My shusui's hilt has been cloth-wrapped to "hide" a molded dragon that was on the original white blade's hilt. So it's not "authentic", because I can clearly see the fracking Chinese dragon on the hilt between the wrap.

I like the idea of wooden cosplay swords, but they're so expensive I can't even think of buying them. We'll see. I'm still researching for what's the cheapest in case I fall into some money on ebay (lol).

Monday, April 6, 2015

Shoulder Puppets, glee! (also, Drabbit for sale)

I used to go to Renn Faires a lot when I lived in my home state. I love them. We have a big one here in the Land of Flat as well, but my husband is not so fond of the heat and walking combined, so we never go. Plus, he tells me bees & wasps are RAMPANT there, like nobody's business, and there is one thing I am terrified of on God's Green Earth and that is bugs. Especially bees and wasps. So, yeah, we've never gone.

But I've been to so many back at my old home state, and I always loved shoulder dragons. In my day they were all fabric and sewn together to twist on your arm/shoulder with wired tails and the like, though. Puppets were a novelty - I never saw them at one I went to. But I've kept up my knowledge and seen what folks made over the years. Marvelous! I've wanted one for awhile. I re-researched and found two names: Woodbabies and Drabbits. 

Let me mention that I was completely unbiased going into this. I didn't know anything about any bad blood, lawsuits, etc., or anything anyone else said about the puppet types. I just looked at both the websites and peeked about on eBay. Only sites I could find at first, actually, were those two, it seemed the main ones. I lucked out and got a "Drabbit" gryphon on eBay for way less then it should have been (adult, 2 cable). When it arrived I immediately placed him somewhere safe and tootled around with the cables. The one bobbled his head about like it was broken, creepily, but kind of cute. The other sort of just... I don't know ... humped his butt? (I know, I know, but it's as good a description of what he does as I can think of.) The feet and legs dangled and got tangled as well. Hmm. Not very sturdy, I thought. And bad choice for real fur - wetting it is bad, and repair is a nightmare.

Okay... hey, it also looks like I'd have to get a saddle for him, which cost another $30 plus shipping or sommat. Whut? To me, this dude looks like he's just milking money out of folks. His stuff is more expensive, and then you have to buy a saddle to boot? Meh.

What prompted this post? I just got the package that would change my puppet days. A little mouse woodbaby, adorable, (real fur again). The eyes were better (the drabbit had "cloudy" cheap-looking eyes), the design was better, the cable movements were way more realistic and it seemed far more sturdy. I love him! Now I understand why folks praise the "Midsummer Night Dream guy" instead of the "Drabbit guy". One is clearly better, made with way more love, and priced better - with more options so that folks that aren't rich can get one.

Nice. I'm constantly checking his Etsy page now so I can adopt a new critter. I love these!

* the drabbit is right now up for sale on eBay... he's already sold, thanks :D

Click eBay Link Here

Wednesday, April 1, 2015

Pokemon ORAS GTS

*stares at title*

Acronym, much?

Yeech. Anyway, I trade a lot on the GTS - Global Trade System -- on Pokemon. Always. I like it because it's more anonymous than trading directly, and it allows for me to specifically state what I want, in-game. Well, to a point, which is why I'm griping right now.

The GTS allows you to pick:
+ what type of Pokemon you want
+ what level
+ what gender

The GTS does not allow you:
+ to choose if you want a shiny
+ to show if any Pokemon has the Pokerus
+ to show the natures of Pokemon

Now, human nature will always want more, more, more - for less, less, less. I understand. I really do. But I'm realistic. You're not going to get a shiny, level 100 Manaphy for a level 2 zigzagoon you caught at the beginning of the game. You're just not. Hope is great, but there are too many to slough through if you're searching for a shiny, like myself. Heh.

I should point out now that I've finished the game, beaten the elite four a bunch, collected over a million bucks, finished the extra plots, won all the contests, gotten all the pokemon possible for my region and everything for my secret base (as well as over 1,000 flags). The only thing left to do is breed/collect/trade shiny pokemon, which is what I'm doing. I use the GTS because it's easier than hard trading with people that are super fussy and only want shiny pokemon in return, or event types that I don't have extras of.

In collecting "shinies" through GTS, I noticed a disturbing trend. Everyone wants shinies. People with trash ask for them, of course, but it's become normal to ask in the comment section for "SHINY PLZ" even if you're just doing a normal trade! Shiny pokemon are special because they're a bit rarer (although easier to get in this game). Asking for a rare when you damn well know you don't have one worth it smacks of the child that always got what they wanted from mummy & daddy. Suck it up, ask for something reasonable. Zigzagoons are crap, ralts are crap, don't ask for a shiny impossibility. Even koffings - a common type in this game -- all have legendaries asked for them when you search. It's ridiculous.

Another gripe I have is the "tricky" idiots. The ones who lie or put "DON'T TRADE", hoping someone will do it so they can get a rare. The ones who flat out lie and say they have shinies when they clearly do not - wtf, man, we can see your pokemon next to the others. If it's not different, then it's not shiny. Ugh.

Don't ever ask for a "shiny for shiny" trade on the GTS. You can't enforce it, and since you went in knowing this, you're going to be sore when you get a regular pokemon for your shiny. And, in my opinion, if you have a level 1-30 (maybe 50) shiny, a level 90+ hard to evolve pokemon is a decent trade for it. You know why? You know all shiny pokemon aren't real. Most are hacks. There's no way to tell on the GTS, so I assume everything is fake. It's safer that way.

Oh, and I've got boxes and boxes full of 91+'s and legendaries (some events) to trade for shinies... I'm just hoping that some folks out there ask for reasonable trades. That's what makes this game fun!

Sunday, February 22, 2015

Say NO to Synchrony Financial cards

Synchrony Financial got us.

We have a "Care Credit" card - got it when Zoro needed some dental work and the dental surgeon recommended it to us. (In fact at the time we needed it, as we couldn't have gotten the work don without it). The card can be used at our Vet, so we kept it and used it for that for a few years.

Just last week we started having trouble with our mail again. The USPS here uses temps a lot, and they don't know what the @#$% they are doing! We got several bills from the house next door, etc.

I didn't think they mis-delivered one of ours, but apparently they did. We missed payment on the Care Credit card due to the bill never arriving at our home. The credit company DID NOT EMAIL US, but waited gleefully until we were a few days late and then called the creditors to get us. Here's where it gets funky: I always pay our bills, and creditors have been after us for Zoro's dad passing away for awhile now. We ignored the calls, thinking it was just those again (they have no legal right to make us pay his dead dad's cards and whatnot). But oops, it was for us (at least a few) - so I immediately paid online.

Now the problem(s) begin, because this company is being looked into for a very disturbing problem: not telling creditors to back off when debts are paid. In other words, I paid, but they will escalate this because the company wants more money (and that is, of course, illegal). That means they get more money from terrified people by ignoring their payments. I'm pissed, because I try to keep track of everything, but we all make mistakes and how the hell can I make a bill payment when I don't get 1) a bill or 2) an email reminder?!!!

If they had emailed us, we would have paid because I'd have checked and saw I hadn't. Every other card we have does that. This one did not, and it's a very sinister move. They want us to fuck up because then we pay them more and more. Well, that's it. That's enough. We barely got even at last, are finally pulling ourselves out of the muck, and this happens?! Fuck you, GE Bank & Synchrony Financial!

More info:

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

Coming to Grips with School Abuse @ 38 Yrs Old

I may have mentioned that I'm bipolar. I may not, however, have added that I'm mostly home bound and cannot work outside the house, even after being treated as a youngster (and force-fed "make it better" pills, incidentally). Like many folks, I was born with my brain the way it is - heterosexual, bipolar, a furry: all of it. But it sure didn't help that I suffered from some horrific abuse from the moment I was out of my mother's care and into the public school system.

My mother took care to keep me with her often, seeing as she was by herself for a period after divorcing my biological father when I was but two years old. This was awesome, and I have a very deep bond with her as a result... but it wasn't good that she kept me from other kids. She was well-meaning, but whenever I'd have interest, she'd put the other children down, saying they were "dirty" or "wild" and I shouldn't play with them. When we eventually moved into my grandfather's home (the only one I'd ever known until my husband and I moved into the one we have now), I played for a bit with the kids next door. I didn't understand why my mother screamed and I got into trouble when we played certain games (mud pies, etc), because the other parents smiled at us when we did! So, to put it simply: I wasn't around kids much as a kid. I was an adult. I didn't understand kids, my brain worked in a different way. As a kid myself, I thought this was what everyone thought like, and I thought it was right.

Imagine a child that doesn't know how to interact with kids being shoved into a room full of them. One, by the way, that had never been separated from her mother.

I cried.

Logically, you'd think 'of course you did,' but here's the kicker: no one else did. They looked at me strangely. I was marked as "different" ... and it was only Kindergarten.

I think that's what started everything. I got off on the wrong foot, and I never did get "on" the damned thing. Oh, in the beginning, parents told their kids they had to invite "the whole class" to birthday parties, so I'd get invited. But excuse me, being the one kid everyone ignored when she was terrified of being at a new and scary place without her mother - what experience was that? I remember crying at the one I went to and going home early, with, of course, everyone marking me as "even more weird".

By the way, the anti-depression pills I was forced to take as a teen burned my brain out, memory-wise. I can only see parts of things from the past, mostly bad, and I can't recall teacher's names or events like most people can. I suppose it's just as well, seeing as how many bad experiences I had. It's enough to throw me into panic attacks to this very day, at age 38.

I still wake up with nightmares that I have to go to school.

I want folks to understand that every day I went to school was a nightmare itself. I started out by thinking if I could be very good, I'd get noticed at least by the teachers. But one teacher in first grade told my mother (she told me this many years later) that one day at a Parent-Teacher conference she asked my mother, "oh, was she here today?" I was invisible (and unrewarded), even though I was silent and did my best to do everything I was supposed to do. Other kids that acted up got stickers and prizes and stuff. I never did because I was too good, being raised as a adult that understood "always obey the rules". What I did get was slapped down the minute I did a single thing that was "wrong", even though I did something by accident. The kid next to me that did the same thing 20 times a day got praised for sitting still for 5 minutes, though.

Anyway, I want people to know that I was sick every night because I had to go to school the next day. I couldn't sleep (I have terrible insomnia to this day) and then I would wake up and damn near throw up every single morning. I was in constant terror of "going back", even when it was a holiday or the weekend. And here's another reason why: in Middle School, the kids on the bus decided to harass me further than not letting me sit down and screaming insulting names in my ear. They thought it would be clever to throw things at me. It started with little wads of paper and ended up at weed-stickers that made me skin bloody and hurt, and small rocks and stones.

Every morning and afternoon, I got stoned by the kids on the bus. 

The bus driver didn't care. The school was informed - apparently they didn't care, because nothing was done except to make me the last stop and first drop off (meaning I only had 10-15 minutes on the bus instead of the whole trip). And that was Middle School. I started getting bouts of low blood pressure mixed with panic attacks and depression, and began fainting up to 20 times a day. This solved the school problem for awhile and I was home-schooled for a bit while my worried family tried to figure out what was wrong with me. The big problem occurred when they found out what it was, however. I was diagnosed as "depressed".

My family instantly did all the things they weren't supposed to do: blame me, try and tell me to "get over it", and put enormous amounts of pressure on me to, and I quote, "tell them what the problem was".  How the @#$% was I supposed to know? All I knew is that I was surrounded by badness and I couldn't win no matter what I tried. Everything I did was "wrong", I was told or shown by people's actions that I was ugly, fat, disgusting, weird, poor, stupid, smelly ... take your pick, I was called it. No matter that none of it was true, I believed it at the time, and that's what mattered. Plus, my house and family were the only sane place in my life, the only calm zone, and now my family hated me because I wouldn't tell them what was "wrong".

I'll admit I did something reprehensible at that point, but I did it to stop the madness. I didn't know what else to do, so I told a horrible lie about one of my best friends and a boy I truly, deeply cared about. It stopped the psychologist, psychiatrist and my family from picking at my head so hard all the time. But at what cost? I still hate myself for it, even though I can't see how I could have stopped everything. I tried countless times to tell them I didn't know why I was the way I was, that I didn't have an "incident" that "made" me the way I was! They didn't listen! 

That sucked.

And when I was forced back into the school system, nothing mattered. In fact, being the one that had been out for depression (and all the counselors knowing it) made everything worse. I was called in to the office at the slightest hint of "weird", which, by the way, meant blinking at the wrong time. The adults that went to that school think favorably on their time there because they didn't have the horrible life I had.

I always thought that I'd have my after-school NBC special moment.

You know what I'm talking about, right? The nerd that suddenly gets into the beauty pageant, or the dance, and all the girls help her instead of mock her and the boys realize she isn't so ugly after all. Where people her age suddenly treat her as a real human being with feelings. And that was my mistake. It's why I kept getting so terribly hurt. I expected it; I was raised to believe if you tried hard enough, it would happen, dammit. Instead what I got was being brave enough to say 'Y'know what? I do want to be the bride in our wedding at Health class" ...

... I'm sure you see where this is going.

No boy wanted to be the groom. Even the idiot that I was stupid enough to think that liked me (and I'd slept with, because of course I was trying to get any acceptance from people, remember)? He stood up and said something stupid like "I'd rather die".

No one helped.

No one spoke.

I still remember that, you know, guys? I'm struggling to make myself forgive everything - and yes, I've done shitty things I want to be forgiven about, too -- and it's hard. All I wanted was acceptance. I tried all the wrong ways, I guess, and I fumbled along the way by doing things to act out when I was seen as strange (the "who gives a shit, right? I'll show them weird, if they want it" attitude).

I didn't go to a single dance, of course no prom (although my class was the infamous "Dumpster Baby" prom, so... mixed feelings about that), and the only boy who asked me out first was the one I lied about. My mom said "no", by the way, to my only chance at normalcy there again - she thought I was too young although all the other kids were dating. I was "allowed" only the shit boys to date, like they were "good enough" for ugly me, even though they weren't and I knew it! (Again, all but they boy I wronged. I expect if things had gone right, we might have been together for a long time.)

I'm emotionally crippled, do not trust people, and still think I'm a piece of shit because I was told that so many, many times. It's hard for me to take any chances, because every time I did then, I was shot down and injured badly somehow. Now, I understand that a lot of where I am now is because I have illnesses besides the obvious crippling depression, but do you think all that didn't contribute? Depressed folks find it hard to "let go" of the past and we relive it constantly, often with the exact same feeling of pain that we had when it was happening.

It's hell. I was and am in hell, and you helped put me there. You all helped, even the ones that didn't do anything - you could have stopped something or even said a kind word. Why couldn't you have helped instead of hurt? Why me? And why, so many years later, are you all wearing rose-colored glasses and thinking I loved school as much as you did? Did you honestly not see my pain? How could you have not seen it, especially when things happened like in health class, right out in front of everyone?

38 years old, and I'm still struggling to come to grips with everything. I have to forgive myself and everyone involved in that past. Because I understand it's the past, and I should let go, but that doesn't help me when I hurt as much as I do now.

Monday, February 2, 2015

How to Create an Underwater-Themed Room

I know, I know, there are tons of posts like this out on the internet. This one, though, is a compilation of those with new snippets added from an actual artist who gets her ideas from her whacked-out brain, not others. So there's new stuff. Hang in there if you don't see it at first.

First off, let me say how @#$%-ing much I love underwater themes. I'm far from my native home, which was by the ocean, in a land-locked state. I try not to think about it too much, and my bedroom is my favorite place to relax and forget. I'm always trying to add new elements to make it more "sea" like.

White crystal lamp (or nightlight), fitted with a blue bulb inside. This is great because it's got a great underwater look to it, plus the soft blue glow adds to the blue water ambiance of the room. The white crystals are more fragile, BTW, so be careful.

Murals are awesome ways to add the sea to your room. You can get ones like wallpaper murals where you have to glue them to your wall (right) to cheaper, picture ones that come in many different pieces of paper you can tack up (left). The one on the right is a Komar Wall Mural entitled "Atlantis" that had to be pieced up and glued to the wall by myself and my dad. The one on the left is a photo mural, composed of 16 or so pieces of photo that we placed on poster board and then tacked to the wall to make it more sturdy. Incidentally, there's a stuffed jellyfish hanging from the ceiling shelf that I have wrapped around the room to further create an illusion of being underwater. Stuffed jellies are great, there's tons available for sale now.

Accent Bottles and Shells are a must have, but though I'd think they're the easiest things to make, some crafters out there sell them for up to $50 a pop! I don't know how they find buyers, since let me honestly say I can't (and money being what it is, I've tried). But let me ruin things for them here by saying: you can easily make all of these things above in the photos. Very easily. I mean, it's ridiculous how easy it is.

* Take an old candle jar, for instance, from Yankee Candle or something, peel the labels off, wash in the dishwasher and scrape the gunk off from said label(s). Fill with beach sand from a craft store and a few shells. Done.

* Take a jar with a lid that fits snugly (beer bottle, glass milk, etc) and fill with a solution of glitter-glue (blue colored, of course) and warm/hot water. Add more of the glue than water, stir, drop some shells, stones, and/or a rubber fish toy like I did here inside. Fill as far to the top as possible and superglue the lid back on - viola! Glitter globe bottle.

* Find blue glass bottles and such at garage sales, flea markets (even beer bottles like Bud Light Platinum!) Fill with shells, etc.

* Marimo (moss) balls are even better than betta fish for live accents of the sea in your room. You can buy them off eBay for much cheaper than a pet store and plop them in room temperature water in any bottle or container you have laying about. Roll them about once in awhile, make sure they get indirect sunlight and you're good to go!

Outlet covers/light switch plates are easy to find with sea motifs on them. Just make sure you get real baked-on ones and not ones that folks just glued pictures to. The quality is so much better!

Blankets/quilts for your bed may seem a simple matter, but I've found that finding sea-related sheets and whatnot is really hard. My mother quilts, so I always have wonderful covers for my bed - I'm lucky. But if you don't have access to a crafty mom (and can't do it yourself), a low-cost solution is a throw blanket. Mine's queen-size, so I paid around $50 for it, but there are others for less out there. It seems that sea turtles/dolphins are popular for these, so you can find a few patterns and pick the one you like best (I found one with a reef on the bottom after wading through quite a few wolves, horses and NFL teams, lol).

Here's the best tip of all, though: aqua-colored curtains.
I bought some sunlight-blocking aqua colored curtains for my room, and it was the best purchase I'd ever made. The room is bathed in an aqua light, like being underwater, and all from such a simple thing. People make comments on it all the time on how cool and relaxing and "underwater" it looks - all from the light half-blocked from the curtains and coloring up the room.

There's more, of course. You can buy many things to accent your room, such as "wave pots" that create an illusion of waves on your walls or ceiling. There's fish plaques that look realistic, and toys that are, too. You can always add netting and hold your stuffed animals up in it (if you buy fishing net it adds a bit to the decor, instead of a "petnet").

Whenever I get more ideas and add 'em, I'll add them to this post. Hope it helps you out there!

Thursday, January 29, 2015

Gamergate & Female Freedom

I'm shocked, always shocked because this is the human race doing this to itself.

Guys think they're losing their "superiority".

The Bible, advertisements, magazines, television and gaming - everywhere they look - tells them they are #1, little "mini gods". Yet some females are telling them it's not true, we're equal. So males are fighting, slandering, threatening and doing anything they can do to stop equality. They're not losing their place by any means, by the way, but the IDEA that they could is threatening them.

I can't even breathe when I hear what some assholes say/do because of this whole shebang. Females are lower class citizens. We get told what we should like, what we should do and how to act. We get brainwashed into thinking we need to look a certain way or we're "ugly". We still earn less money than men. We get treated like objects because of prostitution and we are informed we're on this earth to "make babies". If you don't/choose not to, you're seen as the strangest creature out there. People simply cannot comprehend that myself at 38 years old, will not have a child. I will never have a baby. It is my choice, not anyone else's, not even my husband's. I asked him before we married and he said he was all right with never having any. But you know what? If he wanted to get "snipped", it'd be fine, he'd just go and do it. But in Kansas, where we live now, I, as a female, as the baby-making property of him, would have to have my husband - the man -- sign for me to have my tubes tied.


This is not equality. This is not right.

I don't give a crap about what happened at "Gamergate" because it sounds like a bunch of politicized shit. No matter what happened, you guys have done it before and no one cared because it was done by men. But a woman did something to achieve status, and now you're threatened. Fuck off, now. Come on. We've had a black president, and I bet we have other types of skin colors up there before we have a woman, because when women run for anything and threaten men, men systematically take them down. They talk about what they're wearing and how ugly they are, and never focus on anything serious.

That's all we are to most males, beauty numbers. "Is she a one or a ten?" Did you ever think of what number you where before placing a label on us? Because if everything was equal in the world there would be restaurants with men wearing thongs swinging along low-set tables next to your local Hooter's. There would be nothing but huge, blond, tight-abbed men shown next to "fat chicks" in TV shows, and all advertisements directed at you would depict "you" as the unobtainable circus strongman type, showing you NEED to be THIS WAY and if you ARE NOT you are UGLY.

I'm 38 and have never wanted/will never want children. I have never liked the color pink, preferring blue (and sometimes purple) instead. I like gaming and can whup ass on my husband and many guys in different games, fighting games mostly, my favorite genre is Survival Horror, my fave games of all time: Silent Hill 2 and 3. I have recently shaved my head because I can't stand my hair and the need to "do" it to be perfectly female - I like coloring my hair crazy colors, but I can't stand getting up and styling it forever every morning. I wear men's T-shirts because they have cool things on them! Not sparkles and pink and Tinkerbell and teddy bears and unicorns that society tells me to wear: I like stuff like wrestling, dragons, games and anime.

I exist.

I matter.

I am female.

I am not what society tells you I should be.

And that should be okay.

Friday, January 23, 2015

Pokemon Game Word Censure is out of Control

All I wanted was a Koffing named "Cutie Poof".

...that's all I wanted. Poof, as in "poof" that comes out of their holes. Gaseous poof. Wind coming out of a hole. I'm living in America, I'm not in Britain, and didn't mean to insinuate someone gay ("Poofter", or "Poof", in Britain is a derogatory word for being homosexual). Poof means more than that.

It's also just "poof".

You can't enter a word like "ravioli", because the system sees "viol", and that means rape in French, so even if they have names with the same letters in them, and there's a @#$%ed Gym Leader named with those letters in them, we can't type it. You can't name something "Violet", or "Ravioli".

What about Cofagrigus, then, you idiots? We can't type that in anywhere in a Pokemon game, but the pokemon's name itself has that word in it! In one instance, I forget what game, I couldn't use my last name, "Sketchit". Don't ask why, I have no clue. Maybe because of the "chit"?

You can't take all the combined letters out, guys. You can't fix this. I've been horribly amused by all the idiot children (and adults acting like children) in their Secret Bases, for instance. They use all sorts of runarounds (7337, whatever) to say whatever they please. And the slurs & swears get across just fine, believe me.

(I then delete their base after taking their flag a million times. Bleah.)

Please don't take away my ability to say very real words in the English language because you're trying to manipulate & control nasty people that would use bad language. On Neopets, many years for example, we couldn't type the word "hot". WTF? Hot might mean someone talking about how "hot" someone was, yes, but it also might mean warm. You can't ban everything. It doesn't work. It's like prohibition... people get around it.

Saturday, January 17, 2015

I shaved my head (and I'm female).


I hate "doing" my hair, as I'm not the hyper-feminine type, and since Zoro doesn't care what I do to my own body (ladies, take note, that's true love & freedom), we went and he got a cut, I got a shave. Took a #2 blade, meaning there was just fuzzy stubble on my scalp.

So, two things: I look super mannish when I'm fat and the shaved head makes it worse. Two, I have a perfectly proportioned head. Huh. It's round & shaped the way it's supposed to be: no lumps or idiosyncrasies. Neat.

My hair will grow back if I choose to have it do so - I don't understand ladies that freak out about this. Hair grows back. What the hell. Society has brainwashed you, the 99.9%, making you believe that super long hair is the most beautiful and short is ugly. My shaved scalp takes no shampoo (I can use body wash on it), little to no care and will be super cool in the summer. It's actually really cool looking, different than anyone else on the street, and I don't have to fuss with it. Bonus! I love it. Also, no more expensive trips to the hairdresser. I paid $20 for a Wahl Hair-cutting Kit, and I'll do it myself when I need to.

Who are you growing all that hair for? I mean, sure, you're allowed to love what you love, it's a free country. But what if you could save hundreds of dollars - if not thousands for some -- as well as time and inconvenience (no more bad hair days, although quips will be made that "every" day is one when you're bald, I'm sure, in folks' minds when they read this). Men can be bald, fat, and even downright ugly, but women are supposed to take them as they are. Ladies, however, are held to a long, blond-haired, blue-eyed, thin nightmare vision. I say, down with convention!


* 10/26/2017 edit: a few months ago, I began my first after-40 hurdle: really trying to find a good doctor. I haven't had one for the 13 years I've been in this yucky state. I hate doctors and have been mistreated my whole life by them, an interesting theme that continued no matter how hard I tried. The point is, one of the doctors I tried out looked at me and asked in great concern, "How long have you been doing this to yourself?"
I answered, but then as I left I suddenly understood the inflections of her question.

My god, I thought, this bitch thinks my shaved head is self-mutilation!


I found another doctor and FINALLY won the doctor jackpot. This woman is the best I have ever been to, friendly, friendly staff, agrees with the same fundamentals I do and everything. But screw that lady that thought any woman that shaved their head was doing it to harm themselves. I love my hair and have been complimented on it many times.

Saturday, January 10, 2015

Pokemon Alpha Sapphire Wonder Trades

The Naughty List


I'm wonder trading again! That means COUNTLESS wurmples and zigzagoon, trash Pokemon that no one ever wants. I try to send out rares or ones with the Pokerus, I get crap in return. Tip: when doing a wonder trade, at least send a small, tiny, cost-almost-nothing potion with them, or name them for god's sake! Sending countless trash into the system clogs it up, and hardly anyone rehabilitates like I do (leveling them up, etc). They just send it right back the frick out, meaning someone else's level 2 wurmple gets given to hundreds - if not thousands -- of hapless trainers that swear grimly and (you guessed it) send it right back out again.



Why do Japanese traders notoriously suck?! You'd think they'd be good traders!

Anyway, these are the lovely ones that have given me trash.*

Wednesday, January 7, 2015

New year, new computer!

I finally got a new computer - for Christmas, from my awesome husband. After I yank my Adobe programs from the shelves and install them I'll be back to drawing again after a whopping half a year without CGI art! I still have sciatica, though, pretty wicked, so I can't sit at the computer for long periods like I used to... it's just gonna take awhile getting used to.

2015 means I'm finally going to start writing and compiling the insane, hugely Mary Sue fantasy world inside my head, known as "Moy Mell" (the "Plains of Pleasure" in Celtic lore). It's kind of for myself, just because it's so weird and so ...intricate, I wanted someplace to put it down. It's just my little blissful area where I always imagine I go when I daydream/sleep.

You know me, though. *snerk* It might be good for a name-grabbing concept, since I went off the grid for a year a few years ago and lost my momentum online (bleah, a sort of mistake but not really, since online drama crap makes me puke and getting away from it all was such fun).